Depression, tonight...

I keep posting on different sites hoping someone will read this. I just want to know someone read this, AT LEAST PART OF IT. I don't know why I... I just need attnetion tonight... I'm lonely and I really don't have anyone to talk to. So I just want to feel like I told my feelings to someone.

I feel soo terrible, absolutely terrible. DEPRESSED

I was diagnosed with depression about 2 years ago. But I stopped taking the meds after about 3 months because I wasn't getting my period, and had a scare and thought I was pregnant. Anyway, I can't prove that it happened because of the pills, but I just have a feeling that the pills had something to do with me not getting my period for 2 months.

So now... the reason I'm writing this, I feel so lonely. Last night and tonight. Actually all summer, but now I can't stop crying, can't sleep, just wanna walk somewhere (it's 2 a.m. so that's not a good idea). My birthday's coming up this Sunday, so that's probably part of the reason why I suddenly feel this way. Plus this was supposed to be the year I graduate from college, but now all my friends are finished and I'm not.

I just feel so lonely. This guy I've kinda been seeing on and off for 2 and 1/2 years... he just sucks. He used to be a great friend, now he's still nice, but he just sucks. He's about 7 years older then me, still jobless, still lives with his mother. He still has pictures of him and his ex up on his Myspace. I let him know it bothered me (tried to avoid trying to boss him around and ordering him to take it down... cuz he should just want to take it down, if he cares about me now). But anyway, it's still there.

I have no one to confide in. I just fell like shit. Like my life is headed nowhere. I feel sooooo terrible. Can't describe the feeling right. I guess like I'm running out of time, like I'm waisting time, like there's something I should be doing right now... something that would put me back on the right path, but I can't figure out what it is.

Went online looking for depression hotlines. But what's the point of having hotlines that close at 10pm or earlier. I just needed someone to talk to, and this is good enough, I'm sure someone will read at least part of this post, cuz I know it's pretty long. That's good enough. I actually feel better already.



Ok. Goodnight...

I probably won't be asleep for another few hours, but whatever.